oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
