I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
