is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
