she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
