speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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