Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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