I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
