i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
