Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
