Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
