I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
