You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
