Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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