im six kinds of drunk right now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
