My cat gives me a boner
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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