dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
