I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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