you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
