i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
