wakey wakey hands off snakey
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
