it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
