the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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