wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
