Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
