It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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