The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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