Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
