apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
