i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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