i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
