Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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