We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
