My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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