Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
