**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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