I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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