I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
how does that bad decision feel?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
