She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This house was built for laser tag.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
