we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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