What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
