Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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