is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
