dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
