Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
