Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
