guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
