do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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