this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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