either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
