Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
