for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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