ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
