Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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