I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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