I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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